Am I a "good" person?

I've been told by a few people this week that I'm a good person. I make mistakes, but I'm a good person.

It's bullshit, I think.

I know myself, and I know that by no stretch of the imagination am I a good person. Or even a decent one. Sure, I'm nice, I'm sweet, but I'm indecisive and I'm leading a double life, the scale of which rivals that of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

I've made the occasional fuck up every once in a while (dancing at a strip club twice, lying about what I spend money on, letting an ex boyfriend kiss me once), but I've done things over the past two or so months that would cause my family to disown me.

I sold pictures and videos of myself doing things that would make my mother's eyes bleed, on a website, so that I could earn money for my breast implants. I've raised the money and now I don't know how to explain it. Nobody knows about this except for a select few of my closest friends. I had no intention of telling them to what extremes I went to to raise this money. Not because I'm ashamed of what I've done (because I could have made that money on the site based on my personality alone), but because I didn't want them to look at me differently. It's fucked up, but I loved the attention I got. Men are more than willing to pay to see me naked. It's flattering and it made me feel like a celebrity, just like when I danced. I felt sexy and important. Does that sound like something a good person would say?

I'm married still. And yet, next week I'm boarding a plane to meet (and most likely end up sleeping with) a man I've never met outside of the internet. I've told everyone in my family that I'm going to visit my best friend and her mother, who has cancer. I've been stashing money away, hiding it from my mother and my douchebag husband for the past few weeks to pay for it. Does that sound like something a good person would do?

I don't think so. If someone sat me down and told me that a friend of theirs was doing the same shit I am, I'd say, "Wow, that girl is fucked up. They need to Baker Act that bitch." I try justifying the things I do to myself, but I can't. I know I'm fucking up, I just can't seem to stop. I don't want to. I'm not sure if I've hit a point in my life where I've just gotten selfish, or if my insecurity has taken over and started turning me into a different person.